


Find Your Way Home

by CydSA



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-09
Updated: 2010-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CydSA/pseuds/CydSA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Mama Allen finally steps in because really, the boys are just being silly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Your Way Home

_Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two  
Where summers lasted longer than, longer than we do _

Kris loved watching people. He would sometimes take a walk to his local park, ball cap and sunglasses on, and sit beneath a tree with a book or his guitar, and just watch the people going by. He liked them in all their guises, the married folk and the kids, the pensioners and the bikers, the lovers and the loners. He would rest his head against one of the big oak trees and try to guess their stories.

He did this sort of thing more when Katy left. Saturday afternoons were spent lazing in the park, writing music and people-watching. Conway was still home, even more so when he got divorced and the paparazzi in Los Angeles decided that he was their new favourite celebrity to follow. He couldn't move in LA, couldn't breathe in that air, couldn't drive those insane roads, and so he left.

His solo career wasn't stellar, although he still produced music. His skills were the writing of melodies and lyrics that people loved and listened to. Much in demand with both rock and pop stars, he made them travel to his little town if they wanted a song or a collaboration. He had gained the reputation of being eccentric, a hermit, but he wasn't too concerned. If they wanted his music, they'd have to come to him, it was just that simple.

It was a hazy summer day in Conway, the sun was a bright orange burn in the middle of the sky and the air was hot and close. Kris was in his usual spot, on his blanket with picnic basket next to him, root beer already opened. His guitar was on his lap and his notebook lay open, one page already half filled with lyrics. He was busy filling in the notes above the words, seeing the tune forming in his head, a steady stream of music. He hummed beneath his breath, head bent and concentrating on his task. The humming turned to an irritated huff when a shadow fell over him and blocked out the light of the sun.

He looked up, frowning, "Can you please move, you're blocking out my light?" Politeness cost nothing, his Mama always told him. He couldn't see the face of the man standing over him, but could tell that he was tall.

"And what if I said no?" There was no doubting that voice though. He jumped to his feet and threw his arms around Adam.

"You asshole! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" His friend hugged him back, comfortable as always with full body contact.

"I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it, besides, I wanted to surprise you." Those famous blue eyes sparkled with glee as he looked down at Kris. "Surprise!"

Kris laughed in delight. "I can't believe you're here, man. It's been so long since I've seen you."

Adam frowned a little. "Well, if you hadn't gone all John Paul Getty on the rest of the world, I'd see you all the time in LA."

Kris was already shaking his head. "You know why I left, stop flogging the fucking dead horse, dude, I couldn't cut it in that town."

"Bullshit." As always, Adam had no filter and gave his opinion, solicited or not. "You ran away."

Kris sighed, "Let's not start that argument again, please, Adam. You've just arrived. Let's catch up first and then you can try to bully me into doing whatever it is that you're here to nag at me about."

Adam grinned, "Deal, Allen. Now, give me a root beer and play me that song you were writing." He folded his long legs under him and Kris sat down too. He picked up the guitar and, smiling to himself, picked out the melody that was already fully formed in his mind.

Adam just listened, eyes closed, head back, and Kris took the opportunity to run his gaze over Adam's body. He was too thin, collar bone standing out on his skin and cheeks slightly sunken in. Kris wanted to find the dickhead who kept telling Adam that he was too fat and beat him up, just a little. His rock star buddy had dressed down for his foray into Middle America. Jeans, t-shirt and boots with no make-up and only one chain and one ring, Adam was as natural as he was ever going to be outside of the shower. This was Kris's favourite Adam. This was the real Adam. The one he had bonded with over American Idol and the tour and the crazy life that followed. The Adam that had held him tightly when his wife had left him and promised him things would get better. The Adam who had shouted at him in fury the day he told him that he was leaving LA and moving back to Conway. That Adam was his friend, his brother, his soul mate in many ways.

"I like it." Kris was startled to hear Adam's voice and he raised his eyes to see Adam studying him too. "You've lost weight," he accused.

"So have you." Kris shook his head. "You have to stop listening to those PR assholes, man. You're perfect as you are." Then he blushed because that was about as gay as he had ever sounded, but that was pretty much his default around Adam anyway.

Adam grinned at him. "Thanks, girlfriend." Kris stuck his tongue out at Adam, blowing a raspberry.

"So, why are you here?" Cutting to the chase, Kris looked at his buddy. "I know you want something from me. It's the only time you visit."

Adam huffed and glared at him. "Asshole. I do not."

Kris raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Let me remind you, six months ago, you came here to hide because you had, and I quote, 'your heart broken for the last fucking time' end quote and wanting pampering. Then, three months before that, you ended up on my doorstep begging for asylum when that sex tape hit the Internet. Four months before that…"

"Fine. Shut up. I'm a user. I use you. What the fuck ever." Adam's lower lip jutted out in an honest-to-god pout. "I'm sure it's like part of the bro-code that you're supposed to be my backup for everything."

Kris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, no problem. Do you even know what the bro-code is?" He looked expectantly at Adam.

"Of course I do, I have straight guy friends, you know." He sounded indignant.

"Besides me, name one who you spend any regular time with." Kris waited as he thought about it.

Adam grinned. "But I don't need anyone else if I have you, Kristopher."

Kris shook his head, laughing. "So, 'fess up, Lambert, what is your drama this time?"

Adam rolled his shoulders, releasing tension Kris hadn't seen there earlier. "I need a song from you. The best fucking song you've ever written in your life." His mouth turned down at the corners, "It's been a year since my last hit and I think the world is forgetting me. I need something spectacular, epic, to shake things up again."

Kris stared at him in astonishment. "No one has forgotten you, dick-head. You're like the tabloids favourite food! I see pictures of you all over the gossip pages, all the fucking time!"

Adam smirked at him. "So you look out for photos of me, huh? How's that crush on me doing, anyway?"

Kris kicked out at him and Adam fell over onto his back trying to get away, laughing his head off. "I think you love me, you want to kiss me, hug me and…" His words were muffled as Kris tackled him on the blanket, shouting at him to shut up. Talk of the world forgetting about Adam took a back seat for a while.

_And nothing really mattered except for me to be with you   
But in time we all forgot and we all grew _

They headed back to Kris's house, Adam loading Kris and all his bits into his Mustang. The conversation was trivial, catching up on six months worth of life. Of course, Adam's life was a lot more exciting than Kris's, so most of the talking, as always, was done by Adam.

Kris heard about the latest boy-toy and of course, the inevitable break-up, tabloid leak of unsavoury photos and angry recriminations. Adam was always the hardest on himself when it came to love. Kris just couldn't understand why Adam kept putting himself out there and getting his heart stomped on. Hollywood was a vicious place where most people took care of themselves first and everyone else last. He had told Adam on several occasions that dating in the LA pool was a sure ticket to heartbreak.

Adam warned him as he drove, "If you say 'I told you so' I swear I will stand on your guitar." He glanced over at Kris, who slumped to obedient silence. "I just want to find that person. You know, the one and if it means I have to kiss a whole bunch of frogs to find my prince, then so be it."

Kris threw his hands up in frustration. "That's fine by me, but then don't drunk dial me at ass o' clock in the morning snivelling about losing the hottest piece of tail in the country." Adam snickered and Kris continued, "Yeah, and while on that topic, don't keep telling me what I missed out on by not accepting your invitation to initiate me into the marvels of man love!"

Adam nearly swerved off the road, he was laughing so hard. "You can't hold me responsible for anything I say if I'm drunk. Again, it's the bro-code."

"Dick." Kris's tone was affectionate and Adam pulled into the driveway.

"You know, every time I come here, I think that you must be the smartest person I know." Adam's comment made Kris look at him in surprise.

"What?" Adam climbed out of the car and Kris followed.

Adam nodded. "Yeah, you got your white picket fence and pretty house and no issues. Maybe I should move to Conway too."

Kris chuckled, "God, please no! My town would be destroyed. I would have no more peace." He walked up the pathway to the door, pulling out his keys.

Adam scowled at him. "It would not! I would blend in so easily. I can do stealth. It would be another version of the rock god."

Kris opened the door, laughing, "You do stealth? And the moon is made of green cheese." Adam shoved him in the back and he stumbled forward, still laughing.

"I can too be an undercover brother!" Kris just shook his head and walked to the kitchen to switch the percolator on.

"You're delusional. The rock god persona has finally made you lose all sense. And when did you start talking about 'the rock god' in the third person, anyway?" Kris drew quote marks in the air as he asked.

Adam leaned against one of the counters and folded his arms across his chest. "Since 'the rock god' became the only person that the rest of the world seems interested in."

Kris took out a couple of cups. "Boo hoo, welcome to my pity party." Adam kicked him in the ankle and he yelped.

"I really don't know why we're still friends," Adam grumbled and Kris just smiled.

"Because I'm the only person left who calls you on your shit. Apart from your brother." Neil was one of Kris's closest friends and spent a surprising amount of time in Conway. Once he discovered that Kris had the same snarky sense of humour and that it was often used to abuse Adam, they became best buds. Adam sometimes cried a little about it, but never within Neil's hearing. That would be an invitation to relentless torture.

"Ah yes, the other, less charming Lambert brother." Adam drawled in Kris's twang and Kris snickered.

"At least he visits just to see me, not because he wants something. He actually likes hanging out with me."

Adam gaped at Kris. "Are you fucking serious? How can you even...?" He flailed his hands around a little, trying to find the right words to express his feelings. "You're being an asshole. I call you all the time, just to talk and when I do come here, it's not only about my latest issue, I like hanging with you…" He stopped, narrowed his eyes and pointed sharply at Kris. "You're "fucking with me, Allen! I see you trying to hide that smirk."

Kris burst out laughing. "You're just too easy, Lambert. You react like such a girl to everything. Honestly, no wonder Neil makes fun of you all the time."

Adam replied loftily, "I'm not going to lower myself to your and Neil's standards. I'm a bigger person than that." He spoiled his statement with a yawn.

Kris shook his head. "No you're not. You only think you are." He poured the coffee into two mugs and led Adam into the sitting room. "Now, enough with the small talk. What kind of song do you need?"

Adam threw himself full length on the sofa, propping his head on Kris's thighs. It was a familiar spot and they were both comfortable with it. Had been for years now. "I want to do something that no one is expecting." He stared up at Kris, who noticed that the famous eyes were dull with something like pain and something else he couldn't put a name to.

"Any ideas about the route you're wanting to go?" Kris asked, cautious to suggest anything because Adam had always been definite about his career.

Adam sighed, turned onto his side and nuzzled against Kris's belly, warm breath leaving a damp spot against his t-shirt. "Nuh-uh. I'm going to leave it all up to you." He cuddled in, ignoring all personal space and slung a long arm around Kris's waist. "Tired. Gonna sleep now, 'kay?"

Kris sat motionless on the sofa, his entire body tense. This was the most relaxed he had seen Adam in years. Or perhaps it was just that he was so exhausted that he wasn't bothering with the pretence any more. Kris lifted a hand and stoked the feathery strands of hair that fell over Adam's face like shadows. The purple bruises beneath his eyes and the pallor of his skin told Kris that Adam wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating properly, wasn't healthy. He decided right then to do something about that while he had Adam all to himself here far from the madding crowd.

"Kris." The soft, sleepy word made him start and he looked into Adam's eyes.

"Yeah?" His voice was gruff, a little hoarse.

"It's good to see you. I've missed you. So fucking much." Adam's face was serious, his mouth drooped slightly, eyes heavy-lidded with weariness.

Kris carried on stroking Adam's hair. "I've missed you too, buddy." Adam made a little sound, almost a purr, and snuggled closer. From one moment to the next, one breath to the next, he was asleep.

Kris didn't know how long he sat there, but he wasn't going to disturb Adam for anything. The sheer joy of him being here, with him, the feelings that bubbled beneath the surface always, everything about Adam was messy and complicated and insane. Kris wouldn't change it for the world.

_Your melody sounds as sweet as the first time it was sung   
With a little bit more character for show _

The sun was setting by the time Adam eventually stirred. Kris's legs had gone numb when he felt the long lean body stretching, cat-like against him and idly thought that Adam must have been a cat in a previous life. Not some domestic house pet, but a leopard or a tiger or a jaguar. Yeah, one of those black jaguars that stalked the Amazon jungle and were so rare that a sighting made zoologists cream. That was what Adam had been, if he believed in reincarnation.

"Do you believe in past lives?" He asked Adam, who blinked sleepily at him.

"Huh?" Adam rolled onto his back and then sat up, allowing the blood to rush back into Kris's legs.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" He rubbed his thighs, trying to get the circulation going and then stopped when Adam started rubbing too. "Um, Adam?"

"Yeah?" The response was vague, Adam's mind obviously on Kris's question.

"You're…um…you're kind of fondling me." Kris was trying not to grin, but couldn't stop the laugh when Adam tore his hands away in horror.

"Fuck! I'm sorry! Shit." Adam babbled a bit and Kris just carried on laughing. "It's not funny! I'm fucking depraved, I mean, deprived. Shut the fuck up, Kris." And Adam started laughing too. "Honestly, what is it about you that turns me into such a fucking idiot whenever I'm around you?" His fond question had no answer. It was just something that had always been part of their dynamic, something uniquely 'Kradam'.

"I am sorta cute. And totally your type." Kris yelped when Adam reached out and pinched the skin at the bend of his elbow. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For taunting me. I have been celibate for three weeks and I think I might be going blind." Adam's voice trailed off mournfully and Kris snorted.

"Three weeks? You are the sluttiest person I have ever met. I swear Adam, I don't think you've been alone for five minutes since you came out of the closet. Try a year without sex then we'll talk." And of course this was what happened to Kris around Adam; his mouth decided that it was in a confessional and that Adam had to know all of his secrets. Fuck.

Adam stared at him. "A year?" The disbelief made Kris groan and drop his face into his palms.

"Forget I said anything. Please?" Sure, appealing to Adam's better nature would work. If he had one.

"A year?" He repeated, eyes wide and incredulous. "You haven't had sex in a whole fucking year?"

Kris rolled his eyes. "That's right. And I'm fine with it. I haven't gone mad or blind or anything."

Adam's face was pitying. "Oh my god, you poor baby." He scooted closer to Kris and wrapped his arms around him, smooshing his face against his chest.

"Ass. Let me go." Kris struggled to free himself and shoved at Adam. He was panting by the time he stood up and pointed at his friend. "Stop that right now." He shook his finger, "I can see you looking at me like someone just rode over my dog. I am fine. Sex does not make the world go round. It also isn't necessary for a full and happy life."

Adam just shook his head, almost in tears. "That is about the saddest thing I have heard in…like for fucking ever."

Kris threw his hands up in exasperation. "For Pete's sake! Will you lay off the dramatics for five minutes? I think you do the drama queen thing deliberately to piss me off. You're never this…" He waved his hands around, "This over the top around other people. You do it on purpose!"

Adam was still gazing at him, but now his eyes were calculating. He leaned back against the sofa and crossed his legs. "Is it because there are no pretty women left in Conway?"

Kris felt the blood in his head start boiling. Only Adam could do this to him. He made him crazy and it was probably a very good thing that they weren't around each other constantly any more. "There are plenty of pretty women in Conway. I just happen to not be interested in any of them." He picked up his phone and dialled the pizza delivery. "What do you want on your pizza?"

Adam grimaced, "Anything but anchovies." Kris started ordering. "Oh and no olives or peppers or mushrooms."

Kris raised an eyebrow. "Is that all, your highness?" Adam waved airily and Kris ordered two pizzas, one with ham and pineapple and one with the works, including everything Adam hated. At least he'd get one pizza all to himself.

"So are there any hot men in Conway, then?" Adam went straight back to the subject at hand and Kris flung himself into a chair in exasperation.

"Will you please let this go? I just said that to prove a point. Three weeks without sex is not the end of the world." Kris could hear his voice rising and struggled to pull it back down. "That's all."

Adam was not letting it go. "But a year without it? Kristopher, my sad little friend, that is just the most tragic thing ever." He sighed. "I'm going to have to stay here until we get you laid again."

Kris closed his eyes and prayed for patience. "I thought you were here to get a song to resurrect your career?"

Adam glared at him, one side of his mouth tipping up in a snarl. "Bitchy is not a pretty colour on you, sweetie. We can kill two birds with one stone. You can write me the song that's going to get me a Grammy or six and I will find you a fuck buddy to help you break your fast." He sat back, a smug grin on his face. "This is going to be fun."

Kris almost cried. He wanted his life back.

Adam was like a steam train once he decided on something. He went outside to his car and came in with two large suitcases. Kris gaped at him and then grinned. "Is the bigger one for your make-up?"

Adam glowered. "No. Dick." Then he laughed. "It's the small one, but I only filled half of it with product. The rest is full of presents for you."

Kris made grabby hand motions. "Gimme! I love presents."

Adam grinned. "Sometimes I think you're two." Kris trailed him into the spare room and he put the smaller suitcase on the bed and opened it. He pulled out a green and blue plaid shirt and threw it at Kris who howled with laughter. Adam looked pleased with himself. "I'm not encouraging the plaid, you will note that the cut isn't baggy. At least we'll be able to see that you have an actual shape when you wear it!"

Kris pulled off his t-shirt and tried it on. Of course it fit perfectly which was irritating, but he beamed at Adam, "It's fantastic. I really like it."

Adam pulled out a pair of denims and a pair of boots that he also handed to Kris, who looked doubtfully at them. "Don't say anything until you've tried them on," Adam warned.

Kris grunted and replied, "They probably cost more than my house."

Adam snickered, "Quite possible. Now, here is a good Scotch and a ticket to LA for whenever you decide to come and visit me for a change."

He pressed them at Kris who sighed, "Adam…"

"Not a word. It's your turn to make the effort. I'm not going to keep running after you." He wagged a finger at Kris. "It's a little humiliating for me. I'm always the one who's done the work in this relationship. It's about time you did your part."

Kris stared at him. "Are you serious? Is that how you feel?" His stomach did a few loops and then settled.

Adam shrugged, serious again. "Yeah, it is. I'm always calling, visiting. You just sit back and wait. It's pretty sad really when a relationship is one-sided."

Kris put his gifts down, stepped close to Adam and put his arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry. I never realised…I'm a terrible friend."

Adam hugged him back and then let him go, turning to his bags again. "Yes you are. So for the foreseeable future, if you want to talk to me, then you'll have to pick up the phone. If you want to see me, you'll have to get on a fucking plane."

Kris plonked himself down on the bed and looked up at Adam. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me on this before?"

Another lift of shoulders and Adam said, "I don't know. Maybe I needed you more than you needed me."

Kris felt so ashamed of himself. "I won't let that happen again. Okay?" He leaned forward and made sure Adam was looking at him. "Okay?"

Adam nodded, mouth a little wobbly and then smiled. "Okay."

The front doorbell chimed and Kris went to get their pizzas. He took them outside along with a couple of bottles of beer, and they sat in peaceable silence, eating.

"So, what kind of song do you want?" Kris asked again and guarded his pizza. Adam had inhaled his and was watching him greedily.

"Something glam and fabulous. I don't know. Something that screams, 'I'm back bitches'. Like that." Adam snaked a hand towards the last slice and Kris slapped it.

The pout was spectacular but Kris was unmoved. "I don't know if I can write glam. Most of my stuff is pretty low-key pop or rock, as you know." He snagged his last piece of pizza and grinned unrepentantly as he stuffed half of it into his mouth.

"You just write it, baby, I'll glam it up." Adam folded his arms and sat back, sulking. "You're a spiteful little man."

Kris nearly choked as he laughed, "That pizza had anchovies and mushrooms and olives on it, you ass, you wouldn't have eaten any of that."

Adam whined, "But I'm still hungry. I would have just picked off all that crap."

Kris rolled his eyes. "How about I warm up some of Mama's stew that she left me?" The light that gleamed in those bright blue eyes was his answer and he sighed as he headed back to the kitchen. "Do you visit me just to eat? Is this the only place on the planet that you actually allow food to cross your lips?"

Adam grinned. "You and my mother. You should get married." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Hey, she just broke up with Carter, you should totally call her and ask her out. She likes 'em young."

Kris scowled. "Your mother would beat you stupid if she heard you right now." He dug the container of stew out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave to heat up.

Adam boosted himself up onto a counter as he watched Kris. "I told her to give Dad another chance. They're still perfect for each other."

Kris leaned back on another counter, looking at him. "They've been divorced for years. It's not going to happen."

Adam shrugged. "A kid can dream." He fixed his gaze on Kris. "So, about getting you laid, Mr. A Year Without Sex…"

Kris groaned, "Please, just let it go, man. I'm totally okay with it."

Adam looked at him sorrowfully. "That is just beyond pathetic. I now have a mission and am not leaving here until I have succeeded."

The light of the zealot in his eyes was making Kris nervous. The microwave dinged and he dished the stew into a bowl and handed it, with a fork, to Adam. "Stop scheming about my non-existent sex life and eat."

Adam dug in and Kris watched him. Just seeing him here, in his kitchen, eating his Mama's food, made him ridiculously happy. He didn't want anything to change that and he had a strong suspicion that if he confessed to Adam exactly why he hadn't been with anyone for a year, everything would change. So he kept quiet and smiled at the enthusiastic noises Adam made as he ate.

_And by the time your father's heard of all the wrong you've done   
Then I'm putting out the lantern find your own way back home. _

They headed out back to Kris's studio with their beers and snacks for a still-whiny Adam. Kris went to his keyboard and picked up a song that he had only finished yesterday. He'd called it "Obsession".

"I think you'll like this one," he said, and gave it to Adam, who scanned the lyrics and grinned.

"Play it for me," he commanded, and Kris obeyed.

_You make my heart hurt  
In places where there should be no pain  
For somehow you have taken over me_

Chorus:  
I dream of you I breathe you in  
Your smile makes my blood burn  
I wait for you I seek you out  
You look at me, I yearn

So why this obsession, this constant ache when I miss you in my day   
Is the feeling a passing phase or something deeper stronger,   
More enduring, I hope not

Chorus:

You are further from my reach than the sun  
As unattainable as a star and yet there is a part of me   
Ever hopeful that my desire is not one-sided  
But is somehow returned in full by you

Chorus:

When he finished, he glanced over at Adam whose face was still. "It's not really glam, but you could soup it up and make it all yours." Adam stayed silent and Kris watched him. "Adam? What do you think?"

Adam took a deep breath and stared at Kris. "Who did you write this for?" His mouth was hard and thin.

Kris flushed. "What do you mean? It's just a song." He sucked at lying.

Adam just raised an eyebrow. "There is nothing 'just' about that song and you know it. Who did you write it for?"

Kris shrugged. "I wrote it for me." Adam's eyes were chips of ice but Kris wasn't saying anything more about the inspiration for the song. "Do you want it?" he asked quietly.

Adam nodded. "Yeah. I want it." His voice was still a little growly but Kris wasn't telling him that the song was written for and about him. Nope, not touching that land-mine with even a toe-tip.

"It's yours then. Maybe we can do something with the chorus, you know, take it up into your register so that you can get your high notes?" Kris wanted Adam to sing this so badly he could almost taste it.

Adam shook his head. "I want it as is. I've never sung a song like that. It takes me to my lower register and it will surprise everyone." His mood cleared. "It's gorgeous, just the way it is." The sunny smile appeared again and Kris breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that the interrogation was over.

"I'm glad you like it." His voice was soft and he grinned at Adam. "No one will expect something like this from you."

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Adam asked, changing the subject abruptly. "Where can we get into trouble in Conway?"

Kris laughed, "Nowhere. Which is the way I like it."

"Well, we're going out and going to find someone for you to play with, Kristopher. Phase one of my visit has been sorted, phase two might involve a little more effort."

Kris was terrified. Adam on a mission was an immovable force or was that an irresistible object? Whatever the case, he was in such deep shit.

_If I'd forgotten how to sing before I'd sung this song   
I'll write it all across the wall before my job is done _

The night life in Conway was not exciting. That was probably too kind. There was no nightlife. None that would appease a party animal like Adam Lambert anyway. Kris and he had been driving around for about half an hour, Kris pointing out possibilities and Adam shuddering in horror at each one.

"I have dressed up for a party, Mr. American Idol, and by God, I will find one!" He'd declared that about five places ago and Kris could see him slumping further and further down in his seat.

"Just face it, man. There is no such thing as a party happening in Conway tonight." Kris was smirking a little and Adam pouted.

"That is so wrong. I mean, it's Wednesday and I am all dolled up and there is nowhere to go." His tone was mournful and Kris tried not to let him see him laughing. A failed attempt as a black-tipped finger poked him in his side. "I can see you sniggering, dickhead."

Kris tried to move away from the finger, he was driving and didn't want to cause an accident, but Adam just dug in and poked harder. "Lambert, stop being an asshole, if I crash the car and we die and go to heaven, I'm totally telling God it was your fault!"

Adam started laughing too and put his head back against the car-seat. "Fine, I admit defeat. Take me somewhere pretty then."

Kris glanced over at him. Adam's eyes were closed, glittery lids sparkled in the dim light. His mouth was shiny and pink and all Kris wanted to do was lean over and kiss him, but he stopped that line of thought quickly. It was a skill he had mastered over the years of being around Adam.

First, he'd been married and straight and Adam was everything he had been brought up to believe was wrong and forbidden. Then, once he got to know the man behind the make-up, it was harder because Adam was the most amazing person in the world and as soon as he started thinking that, he knew that his marriage was in trouble. So that had resulted in a bit of a cooling-off period for both of them after the Idol tour where he hardly saw Adam and just had brief contact with him over the phone.

When he and Katy moved permanently to LA, Adam had been the first person to visit, bringing a devil plant with him. The plant had terrified them all, almost swallowing their house whole and was probably still growing someplace in LA, inhaling all the sunlight as it grew. Katy and Adam became shopping buddies and she quickly understood Kris's fascination with him.

Then she left and Adam broke up with her because, as he said to Kris, 'She's awesome, but you're my best friend and I'll **always ** choose you,' which had been the one thing that had finally broken Kris and he had ended up sobbing in Adam's arms because he wasn't as sad as he should have been by the end of his marriage. He got Adam in the settlement and Katy got most everything else, and Kris thought of that as a win-win for him.

"I can feel you staring at me." Adam sounded amused and opened one sparkly eyelid to peer at him. "What's going on in that lovely head of yours?"

Kris just smiled. "Thinking about how much I love you." He was constantly amazed at how easy it was to say that to Adam, without feeling squeamish about it. It helped that Adam said it almost as much as he did, but Kris thought that they meant different kinds of love. Kris's love for Adam was at first all about loving a friend, but now it encompassed a passion so deep and all-consuming that it kind of scared him most of the time.

"Love you more, baby," Adam murmured, teeth gleaming in the half light, and Kris thought that Adam was at his most beautiful when he wasn't really trying.

"I don't think that means what you think it means." Kris muttered and felt a pinch as Adam grabbed a small tummy roll between two fingers. "Ow! Fuck, Adam!"

Adam's eyes glowed and Kris allowed himself a little shiver. "Quoting Princess Bride at me now, Kristopher? And precisely what part of 'love you more' is open to interpretation?"

Kris groaned, he kept forgetting that Adam was like a total word nerd, and above all else, he loved the sound of his own intellect. "Nothing. Seriously. I was just being a smartass."

Adam snorted, "It's never just 'nothing' with you. There's always a 'something'."

Kris felt the one side of his mouth kick up in a grin. "You don't know everything about me, you know that right?" He could practically see Adam's eyes widen and then narrow.

"Are you trying to make yourself seem deep and mysterious?" The almost smug question made Kris grit his teeth. Sometimes Adam was such an ass.

"No." His short answer was the only sound for a few moments as he turned the car onto a dirt track and headed down an unlit road.

"Um, Kris? Are you planning on telling me where we're going any time soon?" The slight uncertainty in Adam's voice gave Kris a perverse sense of pleasure.

"You told me to take you someplace pretty. Well, I'm trying to obey your command, your lordship." He hoped that the snarky tone would distract his friend. It did. Adam was sometimes too easy. Again, not touching that thought.

"So. 'Splainy?" Adam sounded irritated and put-upon. Kris grinned to himself. It was good to be able to still surprise the guy everyone called 'Rock God' and 'Legend in Training'.

"I'm taking you to my favourite place in Conway. So shut up and enjoy the ride, okay?" Adam settled back in his seat with a flounce and his lower lip jutted out. He stayed quiet though, which Kris counted as a victory. The dark road eventually came to a bumpy end and Kris switched the engine off. The open windows were suddenly flooded with the sounds of the country night. Cicadas and mice squeaked and rubbed and sang their evensong and Kris closed his eyes briefly and let the peace of his home town swamp him.

"Kris?" Adam's voice was soft, sweet, and Kris smiled as he rolled his head over to look at his friend.

"This is the place where Daniel and I spent most days after school. We hid out from Mama when we wanted to avoid homework and chores." His smile tilted fondly in remembrance. "This place was our sanctuary. Our fort against the evils of parents and school and girls." He laughed, a little embarrassed. "We were pretty lame kids."

Adam's lips were curved in a grin. "I bet you guys were the cutest kids ever. Well, maybe you were, Daniel, not so much."

Kris giggled. God. Adam made him such a girl. It was so juvenile and twelve. "Yeah, cos I'm kick awesome like that." He opened the car door and climbed out, stuck his head in again and prodded Adam with his finger. "Get out of the car, you lazy bastard. I want to show you the place of my youthful adventures."

Adam clambered out, laughing. "You're such a poet." He stretched his six foot plus frame and Kris took a moment to admire the long lean lines of his body then forced his gaze away, because that way lay madness and wailing and gnashing of teeth. And a lot of fucking cold showers. "Show me your playpen then." Adam motioned for Kris to lead the way.

The trees gave the grove an eerie feel as Kris moved deeper into the woods. He heard Adam thrashing behind him, swearing as he tripped over everything. "If you would only wear practical shoes, with heels that actually don't defy gravity, then you would be fine." Kris sometimes just couldn't help himself. Taunting Adam was fun.

"I didn't know that I would be hiking through the wilderness, Kristopher. I thought that these boots would see a dance floor or at the very least, the floor of a nice bar. The great outdoors? Not really part of my night time agenda." Adam's response was through gritted teeth and Kris had to tell himself not to tease too much. If he pushed too hard, Adam turned on him and the result usually left Kris feeling like a complete idiot.

"We're almost there, stop whining, Lambert." It was all Kris allowed himself to say as the trees gave way to a clearing. He smiled a little when he spotted the pond surrounded by rocks and heard the familiar trickle of the stream that led into and out of the pond. This was home, in so many more ways than just a place. It made his heart sing.

Adam slammed into him, causing him to stagger and almost fall. Only big hands and strong arms prevented it and the muttered apology that accompanied the save had him patting Adam's hands on his wrists. "No harm, no foul. We're here." He pulled away carefully, he was always careful with Adam when it came to contact. One false move and those blue eyes would turn suspicious and the questions would be peppered at him, so he had learned to act naturally around Adam, an oxymoron if ever there was one.

"Wow." The hushed reverence in Adam's voice was reward enough for the whining from a moment before. Kris knew that this one person on the planet totally got him. He just wished that Adam wanted him once he got him and that didn't even make sense but he was tired and on edge so he would put it away for tonight. "This place is gorgeous." Adam moved towards the pond, made his way over to the huge rocks, pulled off his boots and scrambled up. Kris shook his head with a smile and followed.

"Daniel and me, this was our playground as kids. It was like Neverland and Disneyworld and the Death Star all rolled into one." He leaned back against the still-warm stone, relaxed and looking up at the moon.

"Okay, I get Neverland and Disneyworld, but the Death Star? Darth Vader would not be seen dead here." Adam dead-panned and Kris cracked up.

"Hey! We were kids. Thank God for fertile imaginations." Adam lay back on the boulder, shoulder touching Kris's.

"So, are you ever going to tell me exactly why you've been avoiding sex and dating and relationships?" Adam was an elephant. He simply never forgot.

Kris sighed. "Dude. Let it go. I am happy with how my life is now. If I want things to change, I swear I will call you first and you can find me a, what did you call it? Yeah, a fuck buddy." Kris hadn't intended to sound bitter, but it just pissed him off when Adam harped on about things, especially when he had already made it clear that it wasn't up for discussion.

Adam rolled to his side, propped a hand under his head and peered at Kris, face still and mysterious in the moonlight. It was so completely unfair, Kris thought, that there was no light, natural or man-made, that didn't flatter Adam. He got more pissed off and then felt like a moron on top of it.

"You realise that you're acting like a dick, right?" Adam's question was conversational and Kris grunted. "I am talking to you as a concerned friend, and you're shoving at me like a child."

Kris sat up abruptly, clutching his knees to his chest with his arms. He refused to look at Adam. "You realise that you're being a pushy asshole, right?" He turned his gaze to Adam then, eyes hard and a little angry. "You haven't been around for six months, Adam. I don't sit around, waiting for you come and fix me, you know?"

Adam sat up too, and rested his chin on his knees as he looked out over the dark water. "Have I been such a bad friend?" He sounded sad and Kris didn't want him to be sad, ever.

"No! God, Adam, you make me nuts!" His tone was exasperated but loving and he leant his head on Adam's shoulder. "I am trying to tell you in my extremely clumsy and stupid way, please just butt out of my love life. Okay?"

Adam shrugged, jostling Kris's head a little and heaved a sigh. "Fine. But your dick is going to shrivel up and fall off by the time you decide you're ready to use it again." The dry comment cracked Kris up and he started laughing. Adam joined him and the weird moment passed. They were Kradam again.

"Come on, let's head back home. It's late, I'm tired and you look like you could use a decent night's sleep as well." Kris stood up and hauled Adam to his feet. They collected their shoes and strolled back through the whispering trees in a comfortable silence. Back at the car Kris looked over at Adam and grinned "We'll go over to Mama tomorrow morning and bribe her to make us pancakes. She totally only makes them for you."

Adam grinned back at him "That's because I'm her favourite."

Kris nodded sadly. "Yeah, I think she prefers Neil to me as well." Adam snickered.

"Well, the Lambert clan is all sorts of fabulous. You can't blame the woman for falling under my spell. Although, I'll have to have a chat with her about Neil. Her taste is a little suspect there." Kris laughed and started the car, headed for home.

_And I'll even have the courtesy of admitting I was wrong  
As the final words before I'm dead and gone _

Kris woke up the next morning being used as a pillow. Adam had crept into his bed sometime during the night and had snuggled up next to him, arms and legs wrapped around like an affectionate octopus. He kept himself very still, enjoying the moment. There had been too few of them in the last couple of years. Adam mumbled something in his sleep and pressed his face against the back of Kris's neck, snuffling softly and a heated dick hard against his back. Kris couldn't prevent the shiver that skittered down his spine then and he felt Adam startle awake and stiffen.

"Oh God, I am so sorry Kris." He sounded horrified and set about loosening his hold.

Kris grabbed his hands and held on, keeping Adam's arms around him. "Don't be an idiot. Just lie still. We used to do this all the time in the mansion, remember? Even on the bus when we were on tour. It's no different."

Adam relaxed, his body moulding itself to the lines of Kris's and he heard the smile in Adam's voice. "Even when I'm sleepwalking, I still use you like my own personal plushie."

Kris grinned. "I am not that little, you know." He felt the gentle nudge of lips against his neck and smiled wider.

"You really are. You're like a tiny little snuggle toy." Adam's voice was amused, still deep and scratchy with sleep and Kris couldn't remember when last he had felt so at peace with the world in general.

"I'm only small to you because you're giant-sized." It was an old argument and one they both relished.

Adam dug his fingers into Kris's belly, seeking out the vulnerable spots that rendered him helpless to tickling. Kris wriggled and struggled, but Adam's height and superior weight kept him trapped.

"Adam, you dick! Let me go!" Kris was wheezing with laughter but Adam was merciless. Long fingers burrowed in and tortured Kris. They wrestled and laughed and fought until eventually Kris was held down by the solid heft of Adam's body. They both realised their position at the same time and froze. Kris could feel the scorching ridge of Adam's cock insistent against his thigh and he almost whimpered. The only thing stopping him was the humiliated expression on Adam's face.

"Um…" Adam pushed himself up with his arms, raising his upper body off Kris and then quickly rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed. Kris flopped back, a huff of air exploding from his lungs. "Sorry?" Adam sounded unsure, as though he didn't know whether Kris would be offended or not.

"Stop fucking worrying about invading my space!" Kris was irritated. When had Adam started being careful around him? "It never stopped you in the past. What the hell is wrong with you?" He sat up abruptly, glaring at Adam who was concentrating on his hands. "Adam. Talk to me. Why are you being all weird about this? It's not like this is a new thing with us." He noticed that Adam was now picking at the violet polish on his nails, a sure sign of nerves and decided not to push. He rolled off the other side of the bed and padded to the bathroom, stating over his shoulder, "I'm gonna take a shower, then we can head over to my folk's place."

Adam jumped up and headed out of Kris's room. "I'll use the guest bathroom and meet you in ten."

Kris rolled his eyes as he closed the bathroom door and then shouted back, "More like an hour, make-up man!"

"I heard that, bubble boy! How much do you want to bet I'll be done in ten minutes?" Adam's yelled was half laugh, half indignation and Kris grinned to himself, already mostly undressed.

"How about I bet you won't be ready in twenty and you'll have to eat everything that Mama puts on your plate this morning?"

The shriek from the guest room made him laugh. "Dick! If I eat everything your mother gives me, I'll have to starve myself for the next year!"

Kris put the shower on and ducked under the spray, taunting, "Two minutes gone, Lambert! I am gonna enjoy watching you gain weight while you eat!" He didn't hear the response but was sure it was something involving a threat to one of his body parts. Adam tended to get creative with his threats.

Of course Adam wasn't ready in ten minutes. If the world had to end in ten minutes, Adam would be caught with one eye done and pissed because he really hated being caught in public without his face on. Kris started counting down in a loud voice as the clock ticked to the twenty minute mark. He heard garbled yells and crashes and mutters coming from the guest room, and at zero, shouted, "Time's up! I win! Allen trumps Lambert yet again!" He ran around the living room, punching the air like Rocky and then sat down and waited a little longer. It was more like half an hour by the time Adam emerged, sultry eyes and sulky lips and Kris took a moment to appreciate the vision.

"I hate you." That lower lip could have made a plane runway it jutted out so much and Kris grinned.

"No you don't. Come on, Mama's waiting." He snagged his car keys as they left the house, Adam still not talking to him. "Are you going to pout the whole morning?" Kris asked conversationally.

Adam shot him a glare. "I'm going to be the size of a baby hippopotamus after your mother's idea of a normal breakfast. So, yes, I'm going to refrain from speaking to you until I deem you worthy again."

Kris just laughed. Adam staying quiet for anything longer than a few minutes hadn't happened yet in all the time he'd known him. "At least tell me you're gonna talk to Mama?"

Adam raised one perfectly plucked brow, nodded regally, crossed his arms and proceeded to ignore Kris for the entire ride across town. Of course, Kris spent all that time telling Adam the corniest, worst, stupidest jokes he could possibly remember.

"Two flies are on the porch. Which one is the actor?" Pause. "The one on the screen." Nothing.

"What did the bedspread say to the sheet?" Another pause. "I've got you covered." Still nothing.

"Why do florescent lights always hum?" Pause. "Because they don't know the words." A small tick at the corner of that freckled mouth made Kris persist.

"Why are American Idol stars so cool?" A sideways glance gave Adam away and Kris grinned, "Because they have so many fans."

Adam just threw his hands up and started laughing. "You are a fool."

Kris was pleased with himself and replied, "Yep, and that's the way you love me." Then he glanced over at Adam again and said, "I saved the best for last. Where do tough chickens come from?"

Adam waved a hand and begged, "Fuck. Please. No more!"

Kris pulled up into his parent's driveway and concluded triumphantly, "Hard boiled eggs!"

Adam climbed out shaking his head. "You are a sad, sad little man, Kristopher. The lack of sex in your life has obviously atrophied your brain."

Kris opened the front door, looked over his shoulder at Adam and said, "Well, at least I can still write hit songs."

Adam staggered back, hand clutched to his chest. "Oh God, I think you just slayed me with your wit."

Kim Allen walked out of the kitchen, spatula in hand and shook it at Adam. "I don't know how things work in your part of the world, Adam Mitchel Lambert, but in this house, we do not take the Lord's name in vain!"

Adam appeared suitably chastened as he went to her, bent down to kiss her cheek and then picked her up and twirled her in a circle. "Hey there, you gorgeous thing! When are you going to leave that loser and run away with me?"

She smacked him on the shoulder with the spatula. "Put me down, you foolish boy." When he did, she smiled up at him and stated, "I'll run away with you when you decide that you prefer girls to boys."

He grinned at her and threw an evil look at Kris who felt the world shift under his feet. It was such a small thing, this. His mother and his best friend trading quips and kisses and yet, and yet, it was everything. He strolled forward and planted a kiss on her cheek, "Hi Mama. I brought Adam for breakfast." He shot Adam a cheeky grin. "And he lost a bet so he has to eat everything that you put on his plate."

Adam propped his hands on his hips and glared at Kris. "That is so cheating! You can't tell her. It has to be…" He flailed his hand around. "It's like breaking the bro-code or something!"

"Bro-code?" Neil Allen came out of the living room, tool belt strapped to his waist. He looked at his son and Adam. "I swear, son, I am going to catch you two pinkie swearing one day." He spotted the guilty exchange of glances and pointed at Kris and shook his head. "You are a very bad influence on my son, Adam."

Adam grinned and went to hug Neil as well. "I can't be. He still wears plaid. All these years and I can't get him away from the checks…" The mournful tone was completely fake and Neil chuckled. "Besides, did you know that he hasn't had sex in like a year?"

Kris gaped at Adam. He did not just go there. Kim and Neil stared at him and then back at Adam, who was looking far too pleased with himself. "Lambert, you asshole! I swear, I am never allowing you anywhere near me or my family again! You are such a dick!" Kris sputtered and then yelped as his mother cuffed him with her spatula. "Mama!"

"Kristopher Neil Allen, do not take that tone with me! You know the rule about language in this house."

"Yes ma'am," Kris muttered, glaring balefully at a chortling Adam. "No swearing unless it involves a hammer or a saw." He watched as his mother nodded and went back into the kitchen. He pulled back his lips and snarled silently at Adam who shrugged and then curled his fingers in a daring 'bring it on' taunt. Oh, it was so fucking on, Kris thought, trying to think of something suitably diabolical to get Adam back.

"It's good to see you, my boy." Neil said to Adam who smiled.

"It's good to be seen, sir." That was the Adam that his entire family had fallen far, the respectful, sweet man who addressed everyone as 'sir' or 'ma'am'. Of course, they only discovered evil Adam after they were committed to the relationship, just like Kris had. By that time, it was too late, they were in too deep. "What are you busy doing?" He gestured to the tool belt.

Neil grinned. "Just putting up a couple new pictures. Kim had them framed and insisted they needed to go in the living room." He looked over at Kris, who felt his face go red.

Adam watched the colour flush Kris's cheeks with interest and declared, "I think I'll have to take a look at these new pictures." He strolled into the living room, Neil following, and Kris heard him start to laugh. "Oh my G…gosh! This is priceless!"

Kris felt his heart sink. He loved his Mama, but sometimes it seemed that all she wanted to do was humiliate him. He wandered after his father and friend and sighed in resignation as he looked at the two photos of himself that his mother had blown up and had framed. His shoulders slumped. Adam was going to milk this forever.

A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up at Adam's grinning face. "Your family are like, the most perfect people on the planet." He leaned his forehead against Kris's and whispered, "Stands to reason, they'd have the most perfect son and want to brag on him."

Huh. Kris was staggered. Sometimes, just sometimes, Adam was the best human on the planet. He looked up at those bright blue eyes and saw tenderness and understanding and something that looked almost like…and it was gone. Adam moved away, went back to the kitchen and whatever he said to Kim made her giggle like a girl.

"When are you going to tell him, son?" His father's voice made him jump a little and Kris looked into those kind, loving eyes. His father had been his hero his entire life, had taught him that being a real man meant being able to cry a little (okay a lot) in front of people without being embarrassed about it. His dad had shown him that being a Christian wasn't just about quoting scripture at people, it was about living it every day. He had wanted to be just like his father while growing up, he still did.

He scrubbed his hand over his eyes, letting out a puff of air. "I don't know if I ever will, Dad. It's just…he's my best friend and he's cool with that. We're good with that. If I tell him and he doesn't feel the same, it might make things weird and I might lose him and I don't think I could handle that."

His father pulled him into a tight hug. His dad gave the best hugs. "I think that you're not giving him enough credit, my boy. He's a good man. One of the best I've ever known. If he doesn't feel the same, then at least you know and can move on."

Kris rested his head against his father's heart. The comforting thump brought back childhood memories of safety and reassurance. "I'm scared, Daddy." His voice sounded small, like a child and he felt those big arms tighten around him.

"Of course you are, Kristopher. You'd be foolish if you weren't and I didn't raise a foolish man." He pushed Kris back and looked at him intently. "Do you remember the night that you told your mother and I about what was happening to you?"

Kris flushed a little and nodded. "Yeah, not a night I'll forget any time soon."

Neil shook him. "You were so scared that we would reject you or disown you, I've never seen you so frightened. I was hurt and a little angry with you for doubting our love for one second." His face softened with a smile. "Do you remember what I said to you?"

Kris felt his mouth curve in a smile. "You told me that God loves love and that if I was gay then that was who I was and it wasn't going to change how you felt about me." His arms clenched his father's waist and he pressed his head against that strong chest.

"I also asked when you knew. And you said to me that you knew when Adam came to you after your divorce and told you that he chose you over Katy, that was it." Neil tipped his head to one side. "It hasn't changed after all that time, has it, son?"

Kris felt a bit discomfited talking about this with his father; after that night, they hadn't really discussed Adam in that capacity again. He shook his head though. "No, Dad. It hasn't changed. Adam is still the one." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, tried to find that elusive centre.

"Well, then, unless you want to be alone forever, and without sex for longer than a year," Kris groaned and silently promised vengeance on Adam for dropping that bombshell, "I would suggest that you do something about it." His father pushed him away and headed for the kitchen. "I always taught you boys to go after your dreams, no matter how big they were. You're not going to stop listening to me now, are you?"

_You've never been so divine in accepting your defeat   
And I've never been more scared to be alone. _

Kris walked into the kitchen and grinned at the sight of Adam at the stove, frilly apron wrapped around his hips, egg lifter in hand. His mother was bustling around, and she ordered Kris to set the table. He obeyed and watched the interaction between her and Adam out of the corner of his eye. She touched, a lot, but then so did Adam. They squeezed hands, and bumped hips, and heads touched shoulders, and small smiles were exchanged, and a part of Kris's heart that he didn't know existed sighed with contentment. Even if Adam didn't have a clue how Kris really felt about him, this moment in this kitchen with his mother and his father, was about as close to perfection as he could imagine.

Of course, the inevitable whining happened when Kim piled Adam's plate with bacon and eggs and pancakes and biscuits and gravy, and Kris sat back and grinned as Adam manfully ate it all. His eyes promised retribution though. Kris reckoned they were about even what with Adam blurting out his lack of a sex life to his parents. He told himself to remember that for later, when Adam claimed some kind of revenge.

After breakfast, Kris went to the back yard and helped his father fix the porch swing while Adam aided his mother in clearing the table and packing the dishes in the dishwasher. All very domestic and homey and Kris loved every moment of it. He heard snatches of their conversation coming through the kitchen window and stiffened when he heard his name. He moved closer, putting a finger to his lips when his father started to ask him what he was doing. Neil and he crept to the window and huddled beneath it, shamelessly eavesdropping.

"So, what really brings you here, sweetie?" Kim was like a blond kitten with the teeth of a pit bull. She didn't let things go until she had the right answers.

"I came to get a song from Kris. And to see you guys of course. It's been too long." The airy response wouldn't satisfy her, Kris knew her too well.

She asked again, "Cut the b-s, sweetheart. Why are you here?" Kris grinned and his father grinned back, holding two thumbs up. Go Mama!

"Kim. I swear…" Adam's voice dripped with sincerity. It was a load of b-s, Kris thought.

"Don't you lie to me, Adam. I know your mother and I will call her and then it will be both of us on your case." Kris could almost see that maternal finger wagging in Adam's face. His Mama was the best, although Leila had the whole Jewish guilt thing going on which was a kicker.

He heard Adam sigh, then the scrape of a chair as he sat down. "I need to do something with my life, Kim. It feels like I'm a hamster on a treadmill just going around and around in circles and getting nowhere." The hopelessness, the exhaustion in Adam's voice made Kris's heart ache.

He heard another chair scrape and then his mother asked, "Have you thought about why you feel like that, honey? I mean, on the surface, you seem to be the guy who has everything."

Adam sighed again and replied, "That's just it. It's all surface. There's no depth. It's like I'm just a reflection of a real person sometimes." Kris heard a noise and then, "Ow! Kim? What the he…heck did you do that for?" Adam sounded bewildered.

His mother's voice was firm. "Don't you sit there and talk to me about reflections and being shallow and feeling sorry for yourself, young man! I know you, I know your life, my son lived it for long enough. I thank the good Lord every day that he got out of that madness in Los Angeles and came home to us. It nearly ate him alive." Kris squirmed a little and peeked at his father who looked back at him with wet eyes and nodded. Kim continued inside, "I want you to answer me one question. That's all, then I will let you get back to your glittery, shallow life, alright?"

He heard Adam's quick intake of breath and wondered what he was feeling. "I'm sorry, did I say something to offend you?" Kris could practically see the Adam mask coming on, the usual response to something that wounded him and his Mama had hurt him right then.

Kim ignored the snotty tone and asked, "How do you feel about Kristopher?" Kris looked at his father in horror, eyes wide and panicked. He made to move, to rush inside and stop this line of questioning before it went any further and was stopped by a strong hand on his knee and the shake of his father's head. He sank back to listen, wishing for an earthquake or something equally catastrophic to stop his mother before it was too late.

"What kind of question is that, Kim?" Adam sounded confused. "I love Kris. You know that. He's my best friend, has been for the last three years."

Kim made an exasperated noise. "I want to know how you really feel about him, Adam." She sighed, "Look. Here's the thing. Kris told us about six months after he and Katy split up that he thinks he might be gay." Kris dropped his head into his hands and moaned silently. God protect him from meddling parents.

"What?" The surprise in Adam's voice was real and Kris had a moment of gratitude that at least he hadn't been so pathetic that Adam had known and had ignored the hearts in his eyes for the past year or so. "Kim, are you being serious?"

"As a heart attack," Kim confirmed. "We waited for him to bring home a boyfriend or a friend or anybody. But the only one who ever came was you." Kris glared at his father who held out his hands with a shrug. He hadn't had anything to do with this and was pleading innocence. Kim persisted, "So we put two and two together and came up with you." She sounded triumphant. "You were the only guy that Kris seemed so comfortable with, both on a personal and on a physical level."

"He's my best friend, Kim. Of course we're comfortable with each other. Besides that, we're both kind of touchy guys, we get that from our families." Adam's voice was a little exasperated and a lot desperate. Kris wondered if he was trying to convince his mother or himself. "Kris has never, not for one second, shown anything other than friendship towards me. In fact, I was the one who crossed the line way back in Idol days with my crush comment."

"Sweetie, all of the most successful relationships start with friendship. Neil and I were hoping that you felt something more for Kris." She sounded tired suddenly. "We just want our boy to be happy. He's so alone all the time. We worry that he's cutting himself off from the rest of the world. He hardly lets us in any more." Kris stared at his father in astonishment. Neil had doubled over and stuffed his hands in front of his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter. His mother was a ham! She was playing Adam like a finely tuned violin. He had to stop this right now.

"Kris is lonely?" The question was unsure and stopped Kris in his tracks. The concern in Adam's query was unmistakable.

"He won't come out and say it, but, yes, he's lonely. I think that he misses the idea of Katy, you know." Kris rolled his eyes, his mother was worse than Leila. "She was always there for him, supporting him, not letting him get too far into his shell. When they split, he didn't have anyone to keep him in check. That's why he came back here. So that he could hide from the world." Kris thought she deserved an Oscar for this performance.

"So, um, what do you want me to do about it?" Adam asked. Kris felt his heart jump. Adam cared enough about him at least to want to try and help. Even if he really didn't need any help.

"I only want you to do something if you think that you could feel something more than friendship for my son. Otherwise, leave things as they are and Neil and I will try to find him a boyfriend." There was a pause, "Although I don't think that there are many single gay men in Conway younger than fifty anyway." Kris crawled away from the window and collapsed on the porch swing. His father joined him, roaring with laughter now.

"Who is that woman possessing my mother's body?" He asked his dad who shook his head and wiped the tears away from his eyes.

"I really don't know, son, but she's feisty and I like it!" Kris shoved his father and he tipped off the swing, sat on the ground and howled.

"I'm going home. You can keep Adam and send him back later. I don't think I have ever been more embarrassed in my life. I was adopted, right?" He asked hopefully and his father waved at him as he stomped into the house. He stuck his head in the kitchen door and spitefully enjoyed the two guilty faces that stared back at him. "I'm heading home, Adam. If you want to hang out here with my folks, then Dad can bring you back later." He sent a hard glare at his mother. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" Her eyes widened and he had a moment's satisfaction, then remembered the conversation he had just overheard and fled.

"Wait! Kris! Wait up, man!" Adam was out of breath as he pulled the car door open and jumped in as Kris gunned the engine. "Why are you in such a rush?"

Kris glanced over at him, mouth hard and replied, "I just wanted to be by myself for a while."

Adam's face dropped. "Oh. Sorry. I'll just…" He made to open the door and get out but Kris stopped him with a hand.

"No. Shit. I'm sorry Adam, I'm being an asshole. Just stay in the car, okay?" He looked at Adam in apology.

"If you're sure I won't cramp your style." The hurt was not disguised by the sarcasm and Kris wanted to kick himself.

"I'm sorry." He repeated it and met Adam's eyes, they were wounded and he hated that he had done that. "Come on, let's go home."

The drive back was almost silent, but it was weighted and tense and Kris knew that he had do deal with this, with his feelings, once and for all. When they pulled up, he turned to Adam and said, "We need to talk."

Adam's eyes went wide, "That sounds ominous." But Kris just shook his head and led the way inside. He sat down on the easy chair and Adam made himself comfortable on the sofa.

Kris leaned on his knees, hands clasped and looked down at his shoes. "I'm not sure how to start this," he murmured.

"At the beginning?" Adam suggested and Kris raised his head and smiled weakly.

"A very good place to start." He was tempted to sing "Do Re Mi" but decided against it. This conversation was too important to make jokes. He sighed. "Okay, the beginning. The beginning was Idol." He glanced at Adam who was listening intently. "I had never met anyone like you. You were this bold, confident, ridiculously talented guy that everyone fell in love with and you made me your best friend." He shook his head. "I will never understand how we clicked. It's one of those unsolved mysteries."

Adam grinned. "Yeah, like the Bermuda Triangle."

Kris chuckled. "Exactly like that. Except, I had a wife and a life and I won and it was crazy because the whole world knew you should have won." Adam started to protest and Kris held up a hand. "Seriously Adam, the whole fucking world knew. But you were so gracious and sweet and you ended up winning anyway with your album sales and your media coverage and…" Adam opened his mouth again. "Shut up, will you and let me talk."

His sharp tone snapped Adam's mouth shut and he fell back against the sofa cushions. "Fine, but you're being a dick. You deserved to win and I can't believe you're still harping on this after so long!"

Kris gave a half laugh. "Anyway, we went on tour and then made our records and then you broke up with Drake and turned into the man-whore of Babylon." Adam's indignant face cracked him up. "Don't even try to deny it! Then Katy and I split up and we spent all our time together." He paused; the next part was the hardest to say. "Then, one day, we were just hanging out at your place and you said something about needing to get laid and I wanted to tell you that you could have me if you really wanted to get laid." Adam's eyes grew huge and Kris hurried on, "But I didn't say anything and the moment passed"

He took a deep breath. "Then you met Craig and started dating him and it looked serious so I backed off and then I hated being around because I realised that I was jealous and so I decided to move back to Conway." The run-on sentence left Kris feeling a little dizzy with lack of air and Adam put a hand up.

"Why didn't you say something?" His question was soft, puzzled.

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship." Kris leaned forwards, willing Adam to understand. "The only stable relationship I had in LA was you. Everyone else I loved…" He coughed a little on that, "Was back in Arkansas. I couldn't risk it."

Adam held up a hand. "Wait, so you didn't want to lose me as a friend so you didn't tell me that you wanted to fuck me?"

Kris winced at the words. He wasn't saying this right. "No. Fuck. Adam. I didn't want to fuck you." He stood up, frustrated with himself. He waved his hands around, wiling the words to come, "I realised that I was in love with you but I knew you didn't feel the same. I would rather have been your friend than have nothing." He blushed furiously. He'd used the L word and things wouldn't be the same after this.

Adam stared at him. "You were in love with me?" He stood up too and walked up to Kris. "You were in love with me and didn't say anything?" His voice rose and Kris recognized the anger in his eyes. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"

Kris shook his head, "No."

"What changed your mind then?" Adam asked softly.

Kris raised his eyes, miserable and afraid. "I heard my mother and you talking in the kitchen just now. I wanted to explain, to…fuck…to make you see…." He clenched his jaw in frustration. "I'm not making sense! I suck at this!"

Adam's mouth kicked up in a grin on one side. "You've always been a little inarticulate, Kristopher. Not going to change now are you?" He cocked his head to one side. "Haven't you heard the saying that eavesdroppers never hear good about themselves?"

Kris nearly growled and flung himself onto the sofa. Adam sat down next to him. "I don't want this to mess up us. You know, us, the friendship."

Adam bumped his shoulder against Kris's. "You mean, the bromance?" Kris snickered. "Nothing is going to make me break up with you. You are stuck with me forever."

Kris sighed and rested his head on Adam's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. I didn't want things to be awkward between us."

Adam jostled his head. "You're an asshole. We are Kradam, nothing can come between us."

Kris closed his eyes and felt his body relax. "I'm glad I told you. I feel so much better now."

Adam manoeuvred them lengthways on the sofa, Kris's head tucked into Adam's throat. "Don't do it again, okay? You can talk to me about anything."

The tension of the past hour or so caught up with Kris and he cuddled closer to Adam, "I don't really talk much about feeling and stuff," he mumbled, "That usually makes me mess things up. I just wanted you to know how I felt." He yawned widely, snuggling his head into Adam's neck. "You smell nice."

Adam warned, "Don't you fucking fall asleep on me, Kristopher Allen! I swear, I will kill you if you do your 'dead to the world in the space of a second' routine just after you've told me that you're and were in love with me. Kris?" His arms still went around Kris and cradled him close. Adam was so cuddly. Kris loved that about him.

Adam bumped his shoulder, making Kris's head flop and he frowned. "I'm tired Adam. Deep shit talked about today." There was a distinct whine in his voice. "If you just let me sleep for a little bit, then maybe you can show me how the whole guy on guy sex thing works later?" And he let sleep take him, vaguely aware that Adam had stiffened beneath him.

_If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep  
Then I'm putting out the lantern find your own way back home _

When Kris woke up a little later, the sun had moved past the midday mark and was heading to the horizon. He was stretched out over Adam like a blanket and he looked down at his sleeping face. Unguarded and yet not innocent, Adam was a study in contrasts. The ink-black lashes on the pale skin, the aristocratic nose and the sensual mouth, the tiny brown stars mapping his face and the smooth line of his throat. He was the most beautiful thing Kris had ever seen, even after all this time.

"Stop staring at me," Adam murmured, eyes still closed.

Kris dropped his head back onto Adam's shoulder, grinning. "I can't help myself, you're so pretty." Adam's arms tightened around him and Kris sighed, "You make it really easy to love you, you know?"

"Totally mutual," Adam assured him. "So, about that comment you made before you fell asleep…"

Kris tried to remember and felt his face flame. "Oh, yeah, that…."

Adam laughed, his eyes still intent and jiggled Kris on his chest. "Yeah, that…"

Kris moaned and smushed his face harder into Adam's shoulder. "I am such a loser at life. I mean, I fail at being the American Idol, I'm divorced before twenty-five, I fall in love with my best friend and can't even keep my mouth shut." He felt Adam's body go rigid. "What? What did I say now?"

"You said 'fall' in love. Isn't it supposed to be 'fell'?"

Kris felt his heart stutter. "Yeah, I meant 'fell'. Must have been a slip of the tongue."

Adam heaved him over on to his back and pinned him beneath him. "Tell me the fucking truth, right the fuck now, Kris. I am not fucking joking. Is it 'fall' or 'fell'?"

Kris held himself still, feeling a bit like a rabbit facing a snake. Which way to go? Complete honesty and an entirely new set of problems or a lie to keep the status quo? "Fall." He cleared his suddenly scratchy throat. "It's fall. Present tense, has been for a long time." He had jumped right into the centre of the hurricane. He hoped he survived the storm.

"You're in love with me. Still?" It seemed as though Adam couldn't get his head around the concept and Kris started to feel a little irritated. It wasn't completely beyond the realm of possibility.

"Yeah. I'm in love with you." Kris waited.

"You're in love with me." This time it wasn't a question, it was a statement and Adam looked at him in wonder.

"Yes, I am in love with you." Kris gritted each word out between his teeth.

"Kris Allen loves Adam Lambert." Adam's mouth curled in a smile and Kris wanted to kiss him, so badly.

"Do you want me to carve that in the tree in the front yard?" he asked instead and the smile widened.

"You totally love me." Adam's grin almost split his face and Kris couldn't help responding to the sheer joy in his expression, something loosening inside him, something that felt like relief.

"I totally love you, even though you are a vain, egotistical, high maintenance drama queen who only visits when you want something from me." He felt his own mouth curve.

"I am not." The defence was automatic and Adam flushed when Kris raised a sceptical brow. "Okay, maybe I am a little vain and sort of high maintenance. But I completely disagree about only seeing you when I want something from you." Kris's silence prompted him to continue. "I make up reasons to phone you. I invent things to talk to you about. I create stories to tell you. And when that's not enough, I make excuses to come and see you."

Kris closed his eyes, the hope beating in his chest almost unbearable. "You don't need a reason to call me or to come and see me, Adam. You know that."

Adam nodded. "I know. But it's easier to have a legitimate thing than to just get on a plane because I miss you. At least I don't feel like a complete idiot for calling you just to hear your voice if there's something to tell you."

That hope, it eased into joy and Kris smiled up at Adam. "I want that. I want you to pick up the phone and call me because you miss the sound of my voice. I want you to ache when I'm not around and that it pushes you to get on a plane to come and see me."

Adam's lip looked a little wobbly and Kris reached up and traced it with a tender finger tip. "I've put my cards on the table, Adam. Laid it all on the line. The next step is yours. I can go back to pretending that we're just friends, I've managed it for the past year and a half, I can do it again. Ball's in your court."

Adam kissed him.

And kissed him.

And kissed him.

"Huh." Was about as coherent as his brain could manage when Adam pulled back and he tried to concentrate on words and not the shiny wet magnet that was Adam's mouth.

"Indeed," Adam murmured and bent down and kissed him again. Kris had done his fair share of kissing, but he rather thought that Adam might actually have a degree in kissage, a masters maybe or even a doctorate, because he was so fucking good at it. Adam used his mouth like a weapon, his lips and teeth and tongue wielded to bring down any resistance. Of course, Kris was totally willing anyway so the battle was pretty short-lived. He opened his mouth and Adam plunged in. One hand came up to Kris's jaw and tilted his head to grant him better access and took Kris under again.

Kris didn't know how long Adam kissed him, maybe the world stopped moving for that time because when he opened his eyes again, everything shone. It felt like the sun had come out for the first time that day. He waited for rainbows and puppies and kittens. It was that sort of fairytale moment where the prince finally declares his love for the princess and they live happily ever after.

"So, about that love thing." Adam's voice was low, sensual and Kris could feel it reverberate through his body.

"Yeah?" He asked, desperate for Adam to say something.

"It's mutual," Adam stated, and Kris rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Can you just fucking say it back to me?" Yeah, that was really romantic, Allen.

Adam's mouth curved in a smirk, one that Kris wanted to smack and then kiss or maybe kiss first then smack. "You want a declaration of undying love from me when I found out that you were in love with me about a heartbeat ago?" Put like that, Kris couldn't say anything. Adam was right.

"No. I mean, it would be nice, but you're right. You need to get used to the idea first." Kris found himself being kissed again, Adam seemed to be trying to swallow him whole.

"You are such an idiot, Kris. I don't know what I ever saw in you. I must be out of my fucking mind." Adam's words were hard but his mouth was soft. He pulled back and just looked at Kris, mouth parted and wet, eyes blazing and hair messy. "I have loved you since the first moment I met you in Hollywood. I bribed the producers to let me room with you. I painted your nail as a warning to everyone that you were mine, even Katy understood that one. I have stayed in your life, even though you ran back home to Conway, because I would rather have a few random days with you than a lifetime without you. I love you so fucking much it…"

Kris kissed him.

And kissed him.

And kissed him.

A couple of hours and a lot more kissing later, Kris called his mother.

"Hey Mama, just wanted to let you know that me and Adam have decided to start dating."

"Really?" She sounded a little confused

"Yeah, and I mean dating each other." Even Adam heard her squeal of joy and grinned.

"It's about time, Kristopher." She was unbearably smug, but he could allow that. She had a right to be.

"We just wanted to say thanks. Your little chat with him this morning pushed us both to face our feelings."

"I'm very happy to hear that, darling. Now, I'm sure that you and Adam have a lot to talk about. Please give him a hug and a kiss and tell him if he breaks your heart, I'll bust his knee caps."

Kris laughed and promised he would. "I love you, Mama."

Her voice was soft. "I love you too, sweetie." He put the phone down and cuddled up to Adam, finding that spot that seemed to have been created especially for the lines of his body.

He poked a finger in Adam's side and was rewarded with a glare. "What was that for?"

He grinned up at Adam. "You were going to show me how the guy on guy sex thing works?" Adam's eyes widened and then filled with light and laughter and yes, there it was, love.

Kris found himself hauled across Adam's lap, encased in arms of steel. "Ah yes, we were going to talk about that, weren't we?" Adam's voice was musing.

"Show, not tell, Lambert," Kris insisted, mouth urgent against the strip of skin running the length of Adam's throat. He was gifted with a little shimmy as Adam obviously was turned on. Obviously. And Kris didn't have to be psychic to know that either.

"Pushy, aren't you?" Adam asked, his voice edgy and dark and Kris felt something twist inside him, and shiver and ache and break open.

"I have waited and wanted and prayed for you. I don't want to waste another second. Besides, I think we need to get this over with quickly. I'm a little terrified, to be honest."

Adam frowned at him, "What do you mean? What could you possibly be afraid of?"

Kris gestured at Adam's crotch, "I understand the mechanics, but according to the laws of physics, that ain't gonna fit." Adam's eyes shot wide and his mouth flopped open and then he started laughing. He laughed for some time and Kris pursed his lips in annoyance. He didn't want any more time to think about what was going to happen.

When Adam finally stopped laughing, Kris pouted, "When you're done, can we please get on with it?"

Adam tipped Kris over and covered his body with his. He lifted himself up onto his hands and proceeded to rub the entire length of his body against Kris's. Kris couldn't stop the shudder. That felt…amazing. Adam bent down, caught Kris's mouth and kissed him as dirty as possible. "Kris. I've been doing this a while. I haven't had any complaints."

Kris glared up at him. "Don't remind me of how much sex you've had. I've only been with two people and one of them was my wife. This is a big deal."

Adam's eyes softened and he gave Kris a gentle kiss. "I know, baby. It's a big deal to me too. I want it to be perfect."

Kris felt his mouth soften too and replied, "Adam, if it's with you, then it will be perfect."

Turns out, Kris was right. It was.

**Author's Note:**

> A happy Kradam fic for the amazing Sarra who bought me the Details &amp; Out mags (because my part of the globe is a fail) and asked for a story in return.
> 
> Music &amp; Lyrics - Panic!At the Disco - Folking Around


End file.
